Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
