My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
