I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
