I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize