I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I think my moral compass just broke
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