Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
