U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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