How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Randomize
