Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
