ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
