The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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