he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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