I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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