I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
