He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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