dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
