so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
no, he came in my armpit
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
