im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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