He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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