we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
