I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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