oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize