We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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