You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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