i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
