After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize