She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
This is my gift to your gina
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
