dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
