my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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