We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
