get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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