i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
