Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
