Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So much rum. So many feels.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I am one with the molecules
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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