I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I will pee on everything he values.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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