So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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