apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
