So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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