Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
