you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
