Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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