So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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