omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Small penises have feelings too.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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