you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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