You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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