Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
