Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
