My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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