if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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