Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
