You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
