I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
