Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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