Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
