Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize