It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
