Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
