i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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