They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
