do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
