the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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