you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize