If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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