i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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