this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
either way he was missing a nipple.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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