Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
