On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She bit a glass in half.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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