your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Are my feet made of real feet?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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