I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
