I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
