Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
