i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
