I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
