After last night, I could never be a politician.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize