found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
