Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
