so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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