If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
