Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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