I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
