So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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