At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwadâ€
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