I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
